Infatuated Love Stories?
by saphire766
Summary: Crack! What happens when Sasuke is chosen to love the following: Ino, Lee, or Sakura? Who will he choose? Surprising results! One-shot!


Tick...tock...Tick...tock...

Two feet met together in a fumbling motion as a partially stifled yawn rose into the night sky.

Tick...tock...tock...tock...

Sasuke twisted his body over to examine the clock that lay in the middle of the room. It was a grandfather clock, and one of the few keepsakes that he has actually kept from the Uchiha Clan. There it was, in the middle of the room, and there was nothing stopping it.

Sasuke made a loathsome grimace as he stood up from his sprawled position, blood rushing to his legs and head.

"Ouch...ugh...why did that silly clock stop ticking? It's only tocking...geez, for the love of my massacre-infested, bloody, wholesome, fruit-grained-yawning mothers..." he yawned again, cracking his back as he made his way to the old grandfather clock. It was white, all around him, his darting black eyes unable to tell where the clock exactly was.

He stepped to the left, and then to the right. Soon enough, it appeared as if he was dancing. Dancing more elegantly than the main chracter in Jiraiya-sensei's promiscuous novels.

Wow, I wonder if Hinata-chan likes me dancing.." Sasuke smiled goofily as he looked towards the clouds, his eyes lidden and his buck teeth practically hanging out of his mouth. Hinata waved from the Leaning Tower of Pizza, wavering to and fro.

Tick...tock...tick...tock...

Sasuke jolted up, covered in sweat. _What kind of dream **was **that?_

He placed his hands to his temples and took a long breath. He needed a glass of water.

-o-o-o-o-

Chugging down the remains of the golden glass, Sasuke placed the cup down, taking note of his golden running nose. _Do I have a cold?_ He wiped his golden nose, ignoring the slim figure in the doorway behind him. How did he know it existed? Simple, he was an Uchiha.

"Uhm...uhm..Sasu-" But before she could finish her sentance, Sasuke slammed a golden fist down, his drink clattering against the golden table.

"Shut up, woman! I'm sick of hearing your golden insolence!" He glared at her with a menacing golden expression, one that could shake fear into anyone that dared stare upon it.

"No...no!" Hinata cried, her eyes growing wider, fuller, more lavendar. There, in the moonlight, Sasuke Uchiha's hair grew, appearing as if it were put up in a large, pineapple ponytail.

"MY WOMAN! TROUBLESOME WOMAN! NO WOMAN! ROAAAAAR!" Sasuke burst forth through the clouds on a pair of golden wings, from the golden window, from his golden maiden.

"ITACHI, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MEEE!" Was the last thing that Hinata could hear as she wrapped a silver garment over her body and slid to the golden floor, crying with despair and confusement.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Fightful. Nostalgic. Terrifying. Melancholy. That was all that could describe the image he saw plastered on his bedroom wall.

"We are NOT keeping his on our wall.." he mumbled, taking in the poster and all it's evil manipulations. Giggling, Ino hugged his neck.

"Why not sweetie? It's a perfect addition to our new house - and just think how the baby will love it!" She grasped her stomach, and then whispered to his ear.

"By the way, I don't think he'd mind if his daddy visited for awhile.." She winked and slipped off to the bedroom. Sasuke blinked, taking a weird glance back at his wife. Okay, she had some pretty weird innuendos, but she was as hot as Sakura with a bikini on inside-out. Who was to blame him?

"Coming, honey!" he chimed with glee, then faced the evil object with full determination. He tried scraping, scratching, tearing, and pulling, but the poster just wouldn't come off. He mumbled curses under his breath, following with,"This sure is embarrassing..."

Then a robe-clad Ino stepped onto the doorpost, slipping the side of the doorframe between her legs.

"Saaaass-ooo-kaaaay!" She groaned with a sudden alto tune, "If you don't get your grimacing booty in here then I'll just have to spend my night with doorpost instead..." Her gleaming white belly was in full sight, the doorframe pracitcally penetrating it with each grind she made. Sasuke stared horrified at his wife.

_What _was _she doing?_

"Uhm, yeah, I'll be right there...geez..." Okay, so it DID turn him on, just the way Sakura did with an inside-out biki- Wait, what was he _thinking_?!

"Coming honey!" Sasuke jumped onto Ino and started to rub her splinter-infested, round belly as she called his name again and again, until he had to shut her up with," GEEZ HONEY, I'M RIGHT HERE!"

-o-o-o-o-

_Okay, what the HECK..._

Sasuke woke in the arms of Rock Lee, who had apparently snuggled up against him. It was midnight and the moon shone birghtly above them, almost declaring the love they had for each other.

"Wow, Sasuke...you're hair...it's so...pink..." Lee practically sighed contently into Sasuke's head, rubbing his chest fervently.

_Dude, what a FREAK..._Sasuke pushed Lee off of him and screamed. But no words came out. That's what made everything so strange.

"I want...a bunny rabbit..." Lee suckled his thumb, as his nose turned blue with the cold.

"I have an appointment with my fiancee..." Sasuke shuffled in his dark coat, walking away from the slumbering Lee. It felt good to get away from his boyfriend, to experience the shimmer of the nearby lake and the cool breeeze that his face recieved.

"Uchiha Sasuke..." A voice from behind was heard. Sasuke turned around swiftly, but nothing was seen. _Could this person be...invisible?_ Sasuke wondered to himself... "Sasuke...you look dead," The voice was heard again, this time from the lake. Sasuke's pupils were enlarged, totally skeptical of this strange voice.

"You look...so pale, and...bloody." The voice went on in slow, scratchy whispers. Sasuke approached the lake with caution, drawing a shurekin out of his suit, just incase. In the lake shone a reflection, yet it was not his.

"S-Sakura?" Sasuke inwardly murmered, taking in her appearance. Her hair was longer, and had a slightly red tint to the pink- wait, no, was that...blood? She was wearing a silver gown, similar to the one that Hinata wore in his dream, and it accented her tiny, pracitically non-existant boobs perfectly.

Come, let us make the waters into juices and our saliva into mix..." Her lips curled. Sasuke was male. Okay, he couldn't help but consider the invitation for a moment. Erm, whatever that invitation implied.

"I'm sorry...but, I'm married..." Sasuke took a glance over to the tree at which Lee was slumbering under.

"But, may I ask something.." Sasuke's onyx orbs darted back to the alluring 3D woman in the lake.

"Of course, you ravenous, fast, hungry little boy," She practically squealed... "Is your...anus..." He paused, reconsidering his words. Was it entirely appropriate to ask about such matters to such a beautiful young woman of the lake? Suddenly, Sakura of the Lake burst into laughter.

"Oh, Sir Sasuke, there is no time for talk of buttholes! You should be escourting the pencil to the shaver by now!" He winced at the horrible innuendo.

"I'm sorry Sakura, but this is a turn-off for me! Even so...you seem so needy! And so shall I help with this gracious, act of charity!" He flung himself into the lake, feeling enloped with it's cool water. The lake moaned with a great wave, knocking Lee off of his socks. Lee was taken aback at first when the water hit him, but it didn't dink into his socks for long. He was in his Bruce Lee stance, hovering at the top of a great oak tree.

"Could this be...water nin?" The tree underneath him laughed. It's splintery eyes opened and somewhat resembled the face of a familiar sensei of his.

"Why - Gai-sensei! How did you become a tree? May I ask if you need my assistance?" Lee was so worried that he could feel that his tidy whities were in a bunch. It was almost like the feeling he got when Sasuke would give him an ultra wedgie before they made love. It was a very interestingly disgusting routine he had. Sasuke sure was a sick man. Why had he not married Sakura? Oh, that's right...she married Ino AND Neji and were all living at the bottom of that lake and they were having some hot fishy love...That's right. The Gai sensei tree laughed again, and Lee was officially creeped out.

"Well, I'm going to fly away!!" So Lee flew away with golden wings, to the old grandfather clock that was unceasingly ticking away...and away...and away... Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...Tick Tick Tock... And everyone died. The end.


End file.
